We should’ve sworn off pizza after a life-altering Little Neck clam pie from the ovens of Zuppardi’s of West Haven, Connecticut.

That ancient pizzeria made giant waves in New Orleans recently when they piloted a food truck into the French Quarter and served thousands of eaters at the NOLA Foodfest produced by the Roadfood website.

But we were starving and needed sustenance so we phoned in an order to Wood Pizza in the CBD.

Lapse in judgement.

We’d heard from our cohorts that Wood was putting out good pie and had a vast wall of craft beer to back up the kitchen’s output.

At $7.50 for a glass of Founder’s All Day IPA we won’t be trying any of their beer anytime soon. Unless we get a job pulling down 6 figures.

The commoditization of craft beer is a subject we tackle on a daily basis. There are plenty bars in New Orleans doing business the right way by charging a fair price for cold craft brew.

And there are businesses that feel the need to pull in $900 off a keg of IPA.

Standing at the bar at Wood Pizza was like standing on a street corner during a rainstorm. Condensation off the AC ductwork provided a steady drizzle down our necks and shoulders helping us keep our wits steady and keen as we paid up and prepared to leave.

Once sequestered back home in the Bywater, we opened the take-away box and noted that our sausage and cheese pizza had somehow transformed into a sausage, red pepper and onion pie. No matter, even the most well-honed kitchens ship out the wrong food from time to time.

But where is the flavor? The well-charred crust tasted like air perfumed with charcoal smoke. Admittedly we’ve grown spoiled in New Orleans with the rise of pluperfect pizzerias like St. Clair, Pizza Delicious and Domenica but this pie was devoid of flavor.

The sausage tasted like ground beef with a bare whiff of the promised fennel.

We’ll never know why people feel the need to put bell peppers on pizza, they’re a crucial component in the Holy Trinity but otherwise we leave them in the old Kelvinator. These peppers add nothing to the pie.

Onions are a welcome addition to any dish and these are fine; actually they prove to be the highlight of this pizza.

Onions. The highlight.

At $15 for a small pie that an 11 year old child could easily demolish there’s little value afoot here.

We had high hopes for Wood Pizza, hopes that were sadly dashed on the cold rocks of ineptitude and avarice.

ed note: Wood Pizza has shuttered (Summer 2018 update)

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