We just finished reading Virginia B Wood’s overhyped and breathless blog post on Doug Guller of ATX Brands’ Trailer Truck Off Challenge, and are stunned that this is what’s passing for journalism these days over at the Chronicle.

Wood has been phoning it in for years, but her latest work is pitiable even by her own low standards

Issuing background on the man behind the promotion, Wood proclaims that: “Guller is the mastermind behind the Bikini’s Sports Bar franchise…” Thus spake the food editor of Austin’s alt-weekly.

We never thought that the word mastermind and Bikini’s Sports Bar were particularly suitable companions, but hawking hard for the man who trademarked the term “breastaurant” is not our stock in trade.

Unlike Wood.

A little background.

Like Tom Ramsey of Snappy Snacks, Guller has come up with a gimmick where he hopes to snare a creative into his web, legally attain a successful concept for a new business for chickenfeed, and at the end of a short contract, deliver a boot to the ass of the would-be entrepreneur, and have a long running revenue stream for years to come.

Just another day at the office.

That Hamburger Helper concept for a food truck that’s been rattling around in your noggin for the last couple years? It could be a winner, and at the end of the 6 month contract you can wave goodbye to your dreams as you’re tossed, Yosemite Sam-style to the curb, while Guller adjusts his flip flops and barks orders into his flip-phone.

Want to enter the competition on a lark? Please read the following from the press release Wood did such a masterful job of aping:

“All recipes, names and branding used in competition or during terms of the contract will be property of ATX Brands and the winner will be responsible for day-to-day operations of the food trailer. The owner will receive an 80% stake in the Zorro food trailer for the term of the contract and 20% of gross revenue will be paid to ATX Brands on a monthly basis.”

and now read Ms. Wood

“The winner gets a contract to run the Zorro trailer and will be responsible for the day-to-day operations; receiving an 80% financial stake in the trailer for the term of the contract and paying 20% of the gross revenue to ATX Brands monthly. All recipes, names, and branding used in the competition or during the terms of the contract will be property of ATX Brands.”

Masterful. Puffery. Flacking.

We’ve got friends across the spectrum of Austin food truck owners and that twenty percent margin you’ll be forking over to Guller could very well be all the profit that your business generates.

Even massively popular and delicious food trucks like Odd Duck (RIP) operate on the tiniest of margins. Let’s be wildly optimistic and dream that your food truck business takes off like East Side Kings; where will you be at the end of the 6 month contract?

At the emergency room having one of Guller’s flip flops removed from your ass if you didn’t vacate the food truck in a timely manner, we’re guessing.

Read our piece on Snappy Snacks owner Tom Ramsey, he had a very similar offer to would be entrepreneurs recently.

and how about a round of applause for Virginia B Wood? Her new career as pr writer for ATX Brands is off to a promising start as she puts an end to her tenure as “journalist”

Rifling through our backfiles we did manage to find an old piece on Wood. She loves a good press release so much that she (wrongly) trumpeted the following: “The Feb. 20 opening of the John Mueller Meat Company was announced in an official press release rather than a breathlessly over hyped blog post”

Wildly inaccurate, even back then, we gently remonstrated Wood with our rebuttal

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