We open with a panorama of Austin’s soaring skyline as a voice over from Yin and Peter (brothers and owners of How Do You Roll) explain that they are starting a sushi revolution the likes of which has not been seen since Texas wrestled itself free from old Mexico to become a sovereign nation.
The brothers go onto explain that their parents had several Chinese restaurants when the lads were young and selling Asian food is “in their blood” To illustrate how different their concept is from the 1000s of Asian food joints scattered around USA, we’re then treated to seeing a harried, demanding family in a queue at a How Do You Roll; they then begin peppering the poor beleaguered brothers with all sorts of radical demands.
Slammin Salmon! Cucumber! Artichoke! Crab!
The brothers then explain that at their cafes the “customer is the chef.” Think UR Cooks only minus the hunks of beef and whole going out of business thing.
After the b-roll footage the two entrepreneurs come strolling into the Shark Tank. One brother looks like a Yakuza with sleeved out tattoos, while the other, hipper brother is dolled up fancy in a fine suit.
And they want a million bucks for 12 percent of their business!
Mark Cuban looks like he wants to knife the lot of them at this point. The brothers go into hard pitch mode describing the splendor of expensive sushi that is out of the reach of the everyman then segueing smoothly into the horrors of supermarket sushi.
Shark Barbara is enticed onto the stage so the brothers can work her over and ply her with some of their product; meanwhile Croatian redneck shark Robert just rolls his eyes back in his head and moans “wow” like he’s about to relieve himself in his JC Penney suit.
Once food is distributed to all the hungry sharks, brother Yin delivers the money shot “who wants to roll with us?” Delivered in his finest “pssst, hey buddy” tone.
Cuban wants to know the business, inside and out.
The brothers have sold 40 units to franchisees. 15 of them have opened. They’ve kept 2 for themselves as motherships.
Kevin O’Leary burrows down to the heart of the matter to find out how much money he can make off these guys.
Royalties alone the brothers are earning=250k per annum
Want to buy a How Do You Roll? 270-300k and you’re in.
Cuban ain’t buying in. He’s out.
The rube from Croatia, Shark Robert Herjavec, the broke dick shark, pipes up with his oft repeated tale of how somebody once offered him a whole bunch of money and blah blah blah. How did this guy ever get on Shark Tank?
Shark Daymon Johns decides he’s better off selling booty shorts and sideways baseball caps. He’s out.
And Herjavec’s out too.
Shark Barbara’s not buying the brother’s gimmick. They’re a mite too “buttoned up” for her taste. She’s out.
Shark O’Leary lays his cards on the table. He’s ready to shell out a million bucks. If the brothers will accept his Faustean bargain. The other sharks go into throes of disbelief as O’Leary leers at the businessmen whose misfortune has drawn them into his web.
O’Leary “I’ll force some disciplines on you that you’ll thank me for five years from now”
Cuban’s almost apoplectic at this point.
Brother Yin is eager to learn what disciplines will be forced on him.
Shark Tank’s getting kinky tonight.
O’Leary want 22 percent plus a monthly cut off the royalties.
Out of nowhere, Herjavec pipes up referencing the brother’s “wildest saki instilled nightmare” in reference to O’Leary’s offer.
The brothers want to think it over.
They’re back and they’re in. O’Leary’s wolfish grin says it all. Suckers! Shark Barbara cries out “you made a deal with the devil” as the brothers retreat.
We had not done a TV show report since the paleo era of Paul Qui’s run through the Top Chef series.