The unrelenting assholes at Mixt Greens, an “eco gourmet” California salad chain” have developed a new concept restaurant titled Split Bread. It’s the same ol same ol as far as the fresh…local…seasonal…gimmick that every cafe on earth is trying to milk right now with one big difference.

That US currency you have wadded up in your pocket from a hard night tending bar? It’s no good here.

That US currency that your grandfather busted his ass for hawking newspapers on the street corner during the Great Depression? No good at Split Bread. That US currency that your grandma scrimped and saved so she could put groceries on your family’s table? Split Bread doesn’t want it.

That US currency that you bust your ass for working down at the foundry? It’s not any good at Split Bread.

Wireless, cash free ordering.

On the potential of leaving iPads on tables so customers could order, Split Bread’s David Silverglide: “”We wanted to be device agnostic, leaving guests to their own handheld devices.”

Device agnostic? Can somebody please fly Stan Hansen out to California so he can hit this guy with a running lariat?

Looks like I’m out of the mix with my ancient Nokia candy bar phone.

How does the concept work?

You sit down at a table and scan a QR code with your smartphone, pay and then a worker trots it out to you.

I’ll never forget the first time I got hassled for trying to buy a beer with US currency. It was at Twin Peaks {I know, I know…I heard they were working a sexy lumberjack gimmick and I had to see what that was all about} and the waitress kept rolling her eyes every time I bought a beer with legal tender.

Brick by brick.

Here’s the best part. When you go to Split Bread’s website, it’s just a splash page that says “fabricators of fine foods.”

Definition of fabricate? Invent or concoct (something), typically with deceitful intent.

Enough said.

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