Sometimes peering around the dusty, poorly maintained corners of the internet we stumble upon the most horrific things. This is one of those times. But first a little backstory.

Both of our parents are dedicated cooks. A potent tag team in the kitchen, collectors of arcane cookbooks and dedicated gardeners they can put a Daniel Boulud-esque feast on the table and do so with startling frequency. Therefore, growing up, ketchup consumption was always kept to a minimum. As in zero. When your parents spend a half a day in the kitchen slowly building a meal from the ground up with a half a dozen cookbooks splayed out on the counters, you’re unlikely to want to douse their creation with red colored corn syrup.

There was that time though at a Shoney’s style restaurant at the tender palated age of perhaps 8, that ketchup mysteriously got on some french fries and ended up accidentally being consumed.

That stuff was gross.

And that was the last time that happened.

But we know there are ketchup lovers amongst us. So we give these folks a peek at the Ketchup Fountain.

We noticed this machine on the cafemom website where writer Lindsay Mannering had this to say “The gorgeous red stuff flows over a cascading tower of round tiers with the beauty and grace of soft bay waves lazily lapping at the shore. It fills the room with a salty sweetness; a hint of ripe tomato and a dash of umami can be detected by the most discerning ketchup lovers. It’s paradise.”

We could offer a similar ode to mayonnaise, the difference being that mayonnaise is delicious and ketchup? Well, to each his own.

Do you love ketchup? Was your home growing up filled with days spent in the kitchen crafting slow difficult recipes into being or was it more of a grab a box out of the freezer-stick it in the microwave and douse it with Heinz-kind of house.

Are you a ketchup hater?

We’d love to hear from either group.

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